IT'S BEEN MONTHS

Dear Rinners,

I missed you so much.. but lately I couldn't find something to say, anything good for you to read. So, everytime I try to write, it left blank again. I'm sorry...

Today, actually, I just put my fingers on the keyboard, and my mind just talks..

How are you lately, Rinners? Are you just fine? Or you are great..

So many things have happened, and I just don't know where to start. New Year, Chinese New Year, Vacation, everything.. I feel so happy but sad too.. I feel so exited but can't express it too.. and I feel so bored but still haven't moved too..

I miss my man out there.. I miss my child out there.. I miss you all guys..

I try to stand on my own two feet, but people like testing me. It's okay, I don't mind. I try to learn how to live my life the way I want it.. because it's been too long dictated by anyone. I admit that I'm still finding myself. It looks like a part of my self are hiding somewhere.. or haven't found yet.. You know, sometimes like loosing control, loosing ourselves somewhere out there.. and waiting for us to find it back.

I miss writing, reading, knitting, dancing.. I miss all that thing.. I think I forgot how to be me.. Living this life, sometimes made us to be another person.. too many cheating, too many masks that you put on your face.

Me? yes, because I'm afraid being rejected by people. I'm afraid because of me someone will die. I'm afraid because of me, a relationship will never be the same again. I'm afraid they will be angry.. I'm afraid can't fulfill what they want. Toooo many fears inside of me.. and what that makes me? I can't move forward. I stuck, often I move backward. What for? Are they really think about me? Yes, they think about me the way they want...

I love them.. all of them.. but I love myself more.. because I'm too selfish to think what I need to be happy.. So, it just about time to leave all this things behind.. it's been months of waiting to write down this feeling... to say "I love you..."

Have a great life out there as what you already have now.. or then.. I know you won't miss me.. C:

Good night, everybody..